Brittany Blair

Belittlement...are you a victim or a perpetrator?

Brittany Blair
Belittlement...are you a victim or a perpetrator?

Do you ever find yourself feeling as if you are nothing if not a useless human being? More likely than not, that simply is not true but someone in your life has brought you to believe this. They have thoroughly disregarded your efforts in life and have brought you so far down that you don't think it's even possible to rise from the ashes. I'm here to tell you that there is hope. Hope is eternal and you will get back up. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the question, "What exactly do you do all day?" Not only do I work from home but I am also a stay at home mother and in the past that included not only caring for my child but also her father. So often men naturally assume that because their women stay at home with their children they sleep and play all day long. This is one of the most frustrating topics imaginable for me. I've been there. Let me break this down for you. A respectable stay at home mother is responsible for cooking, cleaning, laundry, caring for the kids (spouse included), house maintenance, yard maintenance, doctor's appointments, general scheduling, transporting the children to and from everything and so on and so forth. 

This is just stay at home moms who don't "work" to whom I have the utmost respect for. I use the phrase, "don't work" loosely because they do indeed work their booties off every day. If you're like me you also work. I am a stay at home AND work from home mother. Let me tell you....working from home with a toddler is trying at times and even seems impossible. I can't tell you how many times I've been on a work call and my daughter has decided to scream or yell. Sometimes the client or customer thinks it's cute and is impressed that I'm able to manage my job and my two year old but others aren't accustomed to kids and it's absolutely mortifying. Fortunately for me, my incredible boyfriend has successfully baby proofed my home office to where she cannot penetrate the barriers. He also managed to baby proof the rest of my home to the point where I'm able to work in my office without worrying about her getting into anything. I'm fortunate to have such an independent little girl who is able to entertain herself and do her own thing while I work. 

Many moms don't have that luxury and they have children who demand or require attention non-stop. Children with special needs more-so NEED this attention. My heart goes out to mothers who are dealing with any type of special needs because life is hard enough with a child. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for them but they were clearly chosen by God to care for these children because they have the patience and love to give them everything they need to live happily. 

Let's get back to belittlement and the constant "bring down." If you're anything like me, you may have decided to become a mother but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to give up on your dreams. I, for instance, sing and had always dreamed of pursuing a career in it. I never expected to become the next Celine Dion or anything like that but I would've loved to have one single on iTunes. Anytime I brought up auditions for tv shows such as 'The Voice' etc. my ex would shoot the idea down and made me feel as if I didn't have the talent or that I could not possibly succeed. You never want to be with someone who is so quick to shoot down your dreams. I am not bad-mouthing my ex per se. He is an excellent father to our daughter and I am grateful for that but it just wasn't the type of relationship I could be in. 

I think that a lot of relationships like that are "old fashioned." I think perhaps those men have inherited their parents' old school ways of life. Previously it was usually the norm that the father went to work and the mother stayed home with the kids and cared for the house and catered to the husband's every need. I understand this way of life in the past. However, this is the present and that simply isn't how the cookie crumbles anymore. Women have the same education as men and many have the same if not similar opportunities in the business world. 

If you are with someone who belittles you, your hopes and your dreams I implore you to think thoroughly. Is this what you want your life to be like? Is this what you want your kids to witness and potentially end up like? You need to love and cherish your family but you also need to love and cherish YOU. You need to live for YOU. If you aren't happy with yourself how could you possibly be happy with and for your family? Life is a gift and it could end for any of us at any given second. Take some time to really think about the relationship you're in. Make a list of pros and cons. Think of what's best for you and also your children. Pursue YOUR dreams. Chase after them and achieve your goals. Do not settle because you are comfortable because I promise you, years down the road you will regret it. I wish you all nothing but love and happiness.

 

Xoxo,

B.