Lately, I’ve found myself at a crossroads. I know what I want to do, who I want to be with and who I want to be but there always seems to be something getting in the way. Oh yeah, that’s right….our dear friend, good ole life. As another year quickly comes to and end, I can’t help but wonder…”Did I deliver to my full potential?” Have I been the best employee that I can be? Have I been the best mother that I can be? Have I been the best partner that I can be? These are questions that I ask myself daily before I go to sleep as I say my prayers. People may say, “You’re the best mom” but you know you and you know what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing and more often than not I can’t help but think, “No. I have not lived to my full potential.” This is a change that I want to make not only for myself but for my family as well. Your self health affects your loved ones more than you know.
I am one of those people who constantly puts everyone else and their needs and wants before my own. That’s how I’ve been for most of my life. I don’t think that will ever change and if it needs to, it’s going to be a long and hard road. We all have our share of insecurities and I think it’s easier to focus on helping others and “fixing” broken things and bad situations that aren’t related to you because you get the pleasure of helping someone in need without the stress of doing the same for yourself.
I am trying to find love for myself and if you don’t love yourself, you should be doing the same. Sure, you love your loved ones dearly and would do anything to protect them from harm and care for them but how can you be the person that they really need and deserve if you don’t love the person you are.
It’s hard to love yourself when so often in your life you’ve been put down, degraded, belittled and abused but I have found the most beautiful forms of love there are in my daughter and in my darling partner. I want to give them the best version of me that I can and I have decided to put as much time and energy into that as possible.
Every day on the way to school I make my daughter repeat the following back to me:
I am beautiful. I am brave. I am strong. I will do great things. Mommy loves me. Daddy loves me. Granny loves me. Grandma and Grandpa love me. My aunties and uncles love me. Markmallow loves me. Cora loves me. Etc.
I can’t help but wonder….if I can promote this positive mindset and attitude to my child then why can’t I use it for myself. The truth is that I can. I just choose not to and that’s what needs to change.
We all are completely capable of waking up and living life in a positive mindset. I choose to be happy and I choose to promote happiness and anyone who wants to get in the way of that can kick rocks. I don’t need negativity or negative people in my life.
Do yourselves a favor and download the app called, “Gratitude.” It’s available for download on the Apple App Store and on Google Play. I have alarms set throughout the day and no matter what I’m doing, I take a second and write something that I am grateful for at that moment whether it be my job, my relationship, my daughter etc. It truly makes a difference and allows you to look at life from a more positive outlook. This is what the App looks like:
Anyone can achieve whatever it is they’d like to achieve but it starts with you. You cannot succeed in any aspect of life without knowing who you are, what you want out of life and then finding a long-term solution to get where you want to be in life. It’s all doable. It just takes patience.